randomly unplug

2009-05-25T21:40:00.003+08:00

ive moved, click here
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see ya there!

tears dry on their own - amy winehouse

2009-05-23T18:05:00.002+08:00

to bby (:

IDEAL LOOK! :D (soon...soon!)

should i or should i not get this hairstyle?

my only one - mocca

2009-05-22T22:24:00.003+08:00

what a pleasant friday!

thou i spent it at work, i had fun.
as usual, im at my station, watching time past by me.
work was awesome, nobody picked on me .
i only get to see mister logistic for like what, 10minutes?
oh, he DID get a haircut cause i notice the lesser hair on
his head. LOL. he wore specs today, awesomeeeeeeeeee!
so cute! i like. hahaha. but, today, the doctor didnt pass
my counter. ): cause he whenever he said, 'see you tomorrow',
i will always see him the next day but sadly today, no.
maybe he past my counter when i was having my dinner.
damn blardy dinner ):

well, its not that bad. thought GLYS would be posted with me
but some dumbass fuck said that my counter only need three staffs
and he was transfered to other counter. hes like the joy of my work la.
so fun to tease him but the people at my station called it 'bullying'.
but NO. i think GLYS likes to be bullied by me. (:

its finally the weekend. long awaits my off day!
im gonna spent it carefully and enjoy every second of it. haha

me and my boyfriend - mocca

2009-05-21T11:09:00.000+08:00

viceroy menthol light taste like beef jerky.
i dont know why i got that in the first place.
gooooooooodnesss. im deprieved of good nicotine. hurhur.

saturdays my off day, finally like 325456346 days of working.
okay, just exaggerating, its only 5 working days la.
and i get the weekend off! mommy said, shes gonna bring
us to the movies. yay! its been a while anyways.

missing bby badly. reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally badly.
i cant wait to meet him. im gonna crush his bones
and kiss him till he gets lip sore. hahahahaha!

oh, my cute doctor held a perfect 5 minutes conversation
with me! :D i was like ZOMG. he TALKED to me.
and no, i didnt stammer like i always do whenever hes
around. he made my day loadddddddddds better.
i dont mind getting sick everyday if hes my personal gp.
woot.

the climb - miley cyrus

2009-05-20T21:50:00.004+08:00

i am far from perfect. But i will be perfect for that
imperfect someone who is perfect for me. - le.loveimage

i should bury myself alive today.
why does the blur syndrome happened on such
cute doctor? goooooooooooooood, slap me!

what a day today, i only get to see mister
logisitc for less than 5 minutes with a blardy
back view. but hey, i realised he got a haircut. (:

im suddenly very exhausted.
i need to pop some pills and sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.
p.s ive been getting weird dreams lately. :X

how deep is your love - bee gees

2009-05-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby
bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby
bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby
bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby
bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby bby

my darling munchkin.
you taste awesome like subway's peanut butter cookies.
i love.

unbeautiful - lesley roy

2009-05-18T21:38:00.002+08:00

CAN I COUNT ON YOU IF I FALL? CAN I COUNT ON YOU IF I FALL?
CAN I COUNT ON YOU IF I FALL? CAN I COUNT ON YOU IF I FALL?
CAN I COUNT ON YOU IF I FALL? CAN I COUNT ON YOU IF I FALL?
CAN I COUNT ON YOU IF I FALL? CAN I COUNT ON YOU IF I FALL?
CAN I COUNT ON YOU IF I FALL? CAN I COUNT ON YOU IF I FALL?
(le.loveimage)

and i got the answer from you yesterday .... i know i can.

you should know ...
how lovely to know that you actually care and always there
for me when i needed someone. how relieved i was when you
came to asked me how was i after our huge arguments which
led to a break up. how happy i am to have you back into my life.

you know i cant really go on without you in my life. thou you dont
really play a huge part in me cause we both dont really have that
status but im really thankful that i still have you to get love and
concern from. after a hard day of work last night, i came home
and i saw you in msn and you talked to me asking me how am i.
it lit my face. those little things you always do for me makes me
smile like a major dork and i so wish to be in your arms again.

making out like we always do, have warm snuggles after those
intimate moments. i can live to that every single day and will
never get bored. im sure you wont too right, bby? (:

well, i felt that today i should really blog about work.
ive been enjoying work. seriously, its easy money,
not much movement needed. i get to see loads of different
people plus, i get to interact with that different type of people.
i made many hi-bye friends but i did have one close friend at work.
we pratically go everywhere together and you wont exactly see us apart.
except when her schedule goes haywired. somehow, im glad shes my
friend cause shes just sooooooooooooooo cool!

as you know, im working in a hospital now. and yes, i get to see
tons of cute doctors! thats the bonus part of the job. i get to see loads
of nice cars if im posted to the lobby and i get to see cute doctors
with awesome cars. some people tend to remember my face and from
there we will greet each other every single day making my day less boring.

but theres one thing, i kinda look forward to work every single day.

the logistic guy.

i have no idea whats his name, how old is he, where he comes from.
but all i know, he works under logistic. seeing him makes my day.
hes not a big hoo haa nor is he a hot jock. hes just a simple guy
who happens to stands out and that caught my eye.
well, all the girls thinks hes not that cute and they think my ive
weird taste in guys. yes, there are tons of cute guys passing thru me
every single day but the logistic guy is the only guy that makes me
look forward for work every single day.

the heart fluster whenever he dropped by my counter. we dont really
talk that much besides asking me work related stuff. owells, hes just oh so cute.
i would love to know his name thou. or how old is he. but somehow, i dont wish
to know his marital status. LOL. theres a saying, "truth hurts..."
guys like that, for sure they are attached. but i shall not let that ruin me.
its not exactly that im in love with him that i wanna be with him. well,
i do but thats seems out of question. lets just put a test on fate.

oh did i tell you we wore the same color top for two days already?
hahaha, yea im that psycho. lol.

hes the type of guy that i would love to bring to see my parents.
hes very...... simple. thats what i like about him.
and yes, he wears specs on messy days. and contacts on nice days.
both looks, he looks awesome. haha.
so yea.... now im proud to say i love my job and im like sooooooooo
attached to the hospital already. hurhur. heavy heart to leave.

im off to watch tellie.
till then, muchos love.

cai hong - jay chou

2009-05-17T02:06:00.004+08:00

i am stil dealing with the broken heart.
i dont know how long its gonna take to get
me back into square one. ive been showing facade
and its wearing me out.

tell me why is it so hard to forget you?
why wont that feeling go away.
i thought you care but actually you dont.
how can that be possible cause you said you would.
im missing you so much right now, i bet you didnt know.

thou im trying my best to delude myself,
i keep telling myself its entirely over thou
theres this little cartwheel the feelings harbouring.
hoping you will just appear again, like you always do
after our silly arguments.but this time, it seems like
you wont.

just tell me why is it so hard to forget you?

the fucking bleeding just wont fucking stop. knnccb.
and it hurts thrice as much after the fucking surgery.
i think im dying soon judging from the fact that i keep
losing some amount of blood everyday. jitters. what
if im drained out. no blood left. eeeeeeeeew.
die. plus, im having my period now. die.

i find life so meaningless now.

fixing a broken heart - Indecent Obsession

2009-05-15T00:07:00.004+08:00

i didnt exactly went into a hiatus,
i was just trying to recover fast from the surgery
i had. it was insane. it just wont stop bleeding.
so its like, every single day ive to see my GP
to get my dressing done and im off for work
even thou im entitled to a two weeks leave.
i just love my work too much till cant bear
to take leaves. -.- (but the i love my job part is true)

me and bby 'broke' up last night. (i know its random, yeaaa)
long story cut short, it was a painful experience
to be screaming at him over the phone and ended
so bitterly. owells.

i do not believe in love.
i wont believe in love.
i hate to be in love.
i hate love.
i hate the fact that love is such a beautiful thing
but i just cant see it.
love hates me as much as i hate love.

im being totally random here.
im just going insane. losing shayne
is almost equals to losing my mind.

OH FUCK, MY HEART HURTS SO BAD RIGHT NOW. :(

2009-05-10T22:59:00.002+08:00

you fucking make me realised that
youre a just a mistake in my life.

my all - mariah carey

2009-05-10T22:35:00.003+08:00

my first am shift and i screwed it.
marvelous lene! way to go.
surgerys due tomorrow,

have you been including me in your prayers?

i need you - the wonders

2009-05-09T23:46:00.005+08:00

okay, short and sweet post.
i was out almost the entire day.
i took some crappy passport size photo
and i look like a fucking retard.
make up wasnt heavy, idiotic look and
super messy hair. weather was fucking hot
that i melted.

i got what i need and im broke overnight.

vans shoes ... checked!
jeans ... checked!
tops ... checked!
bag ... checked!
sk ll ... checked!
plaster ... checked!
lunch with the boys ... checked!
pay bills ... checked!
add amount to the fare card ... checked!

all of these turned me broke in just one day.
grrrr. i need finance management -.-
i suck at saving money andddddddd
its killing me.

on AM shift tomorrow morning, god bless me please.
am catching the first train for the first time,
hopefully it will get me to the hospital on time.
im very tired and very very exhausted.
i need to sleep.

and oh, i hope bby could make it this Tuesday.
he said he wanted to take care of me cause
im gonna due for surgery this Monday ((:
even if bby cant make it, i totally understand.
but fuckkkkkk archery training. knnccb.

and i think i saw HQ today.
i think thats her.
and oh ya, J talked to me in msn last night
after 6235443124325435634 days of not talking to me.
sigh, back to square one.

to J,

i think you shouldnt harbour any hopes
for HQ, i saw her with another guy
which i totally believe that he IS
her boyfriend (: (thake that you sucker!)

i miss J. ):
i miss bby more. haha!

littlest thing - lily allen

2009-05-08T23:49:00.003+08:00

guess what?
my fucking printer ate my memory card.
and now im fucking cardless and my phone
has this really very super knnccb ringtone.
hurhur. stupid mofo, printer of a gun.

day wasnt so bad. the incharge was an arse.
shes like those miss-know-everything shit.
she can blardy well lick my smooth beautiful arse.
if i were to team up with her ever again,
im making sure that i'll rip off one side
of her ear with my teeth. she needs to keep
herself grounded. being overly confident
is like entrusting yourself to slow death.
and people will hate you and we will isolate you
and make sure you die slowly without any friends.
i wonder how her partner even stand her. -.-

okay, my pay is in, say goodbye to cashless day
atleast for now. settled my bill, getting some skin
product for mommy. im feeling very guilty right now.
cause the memory card have several pictures which she
needs for her assignment which is due on the 18th.
that mofo memory card slipped off my hand and dropped
into the slot where you put the stupid paper.
i know shes not mad, just upset with me. REALLY upset.
die la. back on track, im getting her the skin product
plus i gave her some cash and im left with a little
to pamper myself. i need more tops, getting a bag, the one
i eyed over at some mall. i wanted to get a half cab vans shoe
but its gonna cost a dent in my pocket. poor me.

i need some cash for rainy days. like a week after this coming one,
im on AM shift, literally cb mofo morning. ive to report for work
at 0630hr. so i have to cab down if the trains gonna make me late.
but i can claim from the company by the end of the month together
with my pay. (:

sg is still on yellow zone. rumored to be lifted soon.
security isnt tight anymore. sorta chilled and yea you know.

and oh ya, i applied for some job just now.
hopefully i will get it. not that far,
over at toapayoh. so yada yada. i want that job badly!
and its next to dyy's bf workplace. so i can literally
see her every single day. lol.

im due in 3 days. jitters.
scary or whatever adjectives can be used.
i hope its not as painful as the one before.
and i hope it will take a shorter period to recover.

i guess im off to bed now,
i need to get up early tomorrow to send my resume.
they fucking need my photo on the resume. -.-
and im off to go for a tiny shopping free!

and im meeting THE ex next week.
*runs around in circle.

anyone but you - the mouldy peaches.

2009-05-07T00:42:00.000+08:00

stayed up to watch Juno on my tiny screen last night.
not a well spent off day. fought with everyone at home
left the house in a huff, everybody was at everybodys
throat. i left the house crying and without an ezlink card.
like darn it. supposed to meet dyy yesterday. when she
called, i was sobbing really hard and i dont feel like
talking to anyone. sat at the highest floor in my apartment.
did some self reflection on myself and tempted to suicide.

forgive me. but that thought was very tempting.

im still without a full time job, currently enjoying
the easy life in the hospital. each day i met different
types of people. which is an eye opener for me.
seeing senior folks reminded me so much of granny and
my late foster dad. and seeing hot guys, trying to
'keng' mc. hahaha. shitheads. was posted to the
specialist clinic again. the wind, i tell you.
machiam genting highlands. i come prepared! (:
i put on my cardigan today and it saves me from
that chilly wind coming from god knows where.

so for your information, sg has hit the yellow zone.
which means its lesser than the orange one we had two days
back. but still, we have to take extra precautions. to play
safe. its unpredictable. so yeaa. so thank you yellow zone,
you made my job damnnnnnnn easy peasy to the kahunyyyyy! haha!
i was practically stoning at work, begging Junhong to entertain me.
which he did, that arse. soooooooooo free in camp. knnccb. LOL.

im on noon shift tomorrow. again. and Saturday is my off day!
woot. i need new shoes. i need to get my bangs chopped.
andddddddddd my brows done. oh guess what! im meeting
Eugene next week. (should i jump for joy or sit and slap myself?)
anyways, im dying to lay my hands on vans half cab!
i saw this gorgeous pink ones. like zomg! *_*
i waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant!
but i cant remember which site i saw it but i know its not
a local site. which means, ive to pre order it, ship it
and pay a humongous sum for a pair of shoe. awesome or what?
stressing over what to wear for the date with Eugene.
hes sucha picker.always picking on me for little details
to demoralise my poor confidence. ccb mofo.

anyways bby texted me this morning. he still sounded piss.
cause i dont know whats wrong with me. im infused with negative
ions judging that my surgery is due soon. he got pissed off
and his words are crude. but i like the way he started
the text.

"im not going anywhere ........"

cause i told him, im afraid of losing him and those dots
are all the stuffs he said and he seems pretty pissed about it.
i didnt reply. i cant be bothered to. my surgery is in four days.
jitters. keep me in your prayers readers!

im off to watch nick and norah's playlist on my tiny screen.
till then, miss me okay?

xoxo.

krazy - pitbull

2009-05-06T14:39:00.002+08:00

i know. its my second post already.
buy i really got to blog about it.
it makes my balls run. hohohoh.

we were just talking about shoes.
i wanted to get a vans half cab.
and jude, my brother's friend has
those pair.so i private message him in msn.
asking about those shoes.

heres how the convo goes :

I want you to notice when I'm not around says:
leftfoot expensive le

Fxrz McLovin says:
u got money?

I want you to notice when I'm not around says:
okay ar
leftfoot like 120 and above le

Fxrz McLovin says:
no i asking u got money?

I want you to notice when I'm not around
now no sat have
dont ask me pre order hor , i slap you
pre order plus shipping exxxxxxxxxx

Fxrz McLovin says:
can give me money?? hehheh

when he asked me whether i got money, i thought he
wanted to ask me whats my budget. that arsehole
literally asked me for money! shithead. lol

how you love me now - hey monday

2009-05-06T14:03:00.005+08:00

its Wednesday today and its my off day! (:
im sure you readers are darn excited to know
how was my first day of work right? hahaha.

well it was alright. i woke up very early
which is so not me. when i walked to the train
station that morning, i asked myself whens the
last time that i actually walked out of the house
before the sun is out. reached train station,
blast my ear drums with hardcore music to keep
me awake. and theres this guy who kept looking at me,
so i figured that my music was a little too loud.
but heck, i need to stay awake.

i was supposed to be in the afternoon shift but
dyy called and told me there were some changes.
when she called me the night before, i was out at
hardcourt with the boys. they were playing night game
and we left hardcourt almost midnight. cabbed home
cause we were too tired to walk to the train station.
crapped alot of nonsense and resulting to that,
ipin misses his last train and had to bunk in
over at my place. that klutz. hes like a regular
over at my place. hahahaha. with him around, bedtime can
never be early. reached home, showered, had food and we had
card games before bed. ended up playing till 3am and ive
to wake up at 6 plus for work. so it was a cranky Monday for me!
which thank god, i ended my shift at 1500hr. i zoinked out just
the moment i reached home and slept the entire night....soundly!

its been awhile since i last actually slept early. tsktsk.

so ive been exhausted these days. posted to the specialist
centre. saw tons of people with different fancy cars.
saw cute doctors in and out and cute patients who dont look sick.
the work was easy. but we have to be vigilant and alert at all
times, judging from the fact that sg is in the orange alert zone.
damn it.

they provided food for us,staffs. i ate sadly alone cause the
girl whom i made friends with was posted to wards. i was like
20 stones away from her. ive yet to really do an am shift.
Monday was not counted cause i start work at 0830hr.
the real morning shift is ive to report to the hospital
at 0630hr. meaning ive to wake up 1 and 1/2 hour early,
catch the first train and yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. bummer.

guess what, my first morning shift will be this....Sunday!
yes a Sunday! knnccbmofo. hurhur.

and furthermore, my second off day is this Saturday!
cant stay out late meaning ive to get my arse home by 2000hr!
yikes. that VERY early. please pray that Sunday shift's
gonna be a blast. yesterday's in charge was fun.
shes called Lin. unlike Sharon, my first day incharge.
Sharon is those stiff kind, go by the book and a pain
in the arse kind whereas lin is those, hyper, flexible kinda person.
i cant talk to Sharon for nuts. as in, we cant really actually
hold a normal convo. i felt pressurised around her.
Lin told us that we should just enjoy it cause our job is
easy thou its a waste of time and manpower. lol.
but i guess, every shift in charge is gonna be different.

im missing sakae already )):

anyways, im too lazy to blog about any other stuffs
besides work. oh ya, and the bad thing about working
in a hospital, you cant smoke. you have to go like
1km away from the hospital and that means ive to walk
out of the hospital and when im done smoking which takes
only 5 minutes or lesser and walk the 1km back again.
all of this, just to smoke. -.-
so those who have been bugging me to quit,
im almost there :D haha!

bby and me had a small argument last night. ):
i dont wish to talk about it. he made me so upset
that i dont wish to talk to him anymore.
lets see whether will he text me again.

sakae annoying songs!

2009-05-02T12:49:00.000+08:00

it was a dreadful parting.
never would i thought it would end that fast.
i left with a heavy heart and very reluctantly.
i controlled those emotions, hoping i wont
upset the rest. the final day was something
i will remember for life.

we laughed and joked as thou tomorrow would be the same.
indeed it is. just a person lesser in the restaurant.
doesnt really make much difference. those days, where
i cried, clubbed, gotten myself drunk and deal with
many issues regarding my not so sweet relationship and
issues at home, they were almost there to hear me whine.

when dealing with these issues, all our positions are
being put aside. we are equal when talking. example, carol.
she is the assistant manager in the restaurant. but she never
throw her weight around(unless shes having the hot headed tantrum).
i remember crying to her about a failed relationship.
she told me its not worth crying for some jerk who never appreciate me.
she told me life still got to go on and you still have your friends to
support you. from that day onwards, i can talk to carol almost about
everything under the sun. we joked around, we deal with issues together.
we share secrets. and we started off not in high school or preschool.
its that restaurant or should i say fate that brought us together.

same case for cindy and everybody in the restaurant.
the friendship that blossom from there. those beautiful ones.
i love them all. from the senior crews to the partime senior crews
to the manager and even to the kitchen staffs. even thou some of them
are in senior years, we did share this awesome bonding together.

and this restaurant is also the restaurant that made me make alot of friends.
like this was where i first got to know callie. same goes for desmond,
mingcheun, ethen, chilli and many others. until now, we still keep in contact,
thou its not that often, but we made a point to hang out and talk.
isnt that what friends are? its not about the how many days we hung out.
its all about the time, both parties sacrificed to meet up and catch up.

i wanted to cry last night. cause i was very reluctant to leave everybody.
i love working there despite my pay not increase after working for
two blardy years. tons of fond memories, i get to meet different type of
guest dining in. all sorts of human behaviours. hahahs.

will they even notice that im not around anymore?
will they even say, "i miss having art here and her noise"?
will they even remember my name, three months later?
will i feel awkward dining there as thou we are now strangers?

im gonna miss the part time service crew thats still there.
mariam, immanuel, james, qinshu and not forgetting benny
who never fails to annoy me.

i miss those times where theres still,
weekiet, junwei, mingcheun, lingjie, eereena and callie.
thou they didnt last that long, working with them
were fun. crazy times, i would love to put it.

did you know, im posting this with a heavy heart?
i couldnt stop tearing reminiscing the whole two years.

people may come and go, but
my lovely sakae staffs will definitely
stay in my heart. (:

birthday song - by me!

2009-05-01T02:26:00.003+08:00

whats today, arsehole day?
everybodys enjoying their friday off
and ive to work and tolerate stupid human beings.
so what if you have the cash to dine in the restaurant,
do you think i give a flyin fuck about it?
whats the point of you having the cash but not
being civilised, you shit head!

at that point of time, i just wanted to scream at
your puny face. so what, if youre the regular customer?
and so what to all those fuck shit tattoos on your
stupid chao ah lian girlfriend? tattoos big fuck?
and you, the shit brain, so what if youre an ah beng?
that doesnt entitle you to anything.

like come on, its already bad enough youre an
ah beng. please redeem yourself before the society spits
on you. so what if for god knows youre running an illegal
business. you big shot, im supposed to be scared?
what, an ahbeng can treat other people with no respect?
i already told you theres no fucking table cause its the
fucking full house yet you screamed at me over some
unreasonable issue. like fucking come on, use your brain
(thats if you have one,which i doubt so).its the public
holiday. its a time where families are out having dinners
together, obviously the place is gonna be pack. and you?
throwing your shots around just because youre an ahbeng?
youre just shits under those ah beng 'covers' la.

you made my day super bad and thank god i dont have to serve
you ever again even if you DO come and dine.

my operation is in nine days time and im feeling it.
bby's enlistment date is drawing near. sixty-seven days.
the last time i saw bby was like what, fifteen days ago?

just now :

so cute right :$ - > blushing.
when i asked him, miss me?
he was like, 'ya'
then i go like, 'ya?'
and he got annoyed and go like 'ya!'.
he knows i love to annoy him.

talking to bby and annoying him made my day better! (:
before i end this post.

to meibe:

happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,
happy 22nd birthday to you meibe,
happy birthday to you!

thou the cupcakes may not be real, date me soon and
we can go for fooooooooooooooooooooooood! (:

sway - bic runga

2009-04-29T21:53:00.003+08:00

18/12/2008 12:38:32 AM [ 3.01 ] lene ; love me till my heart stops.

where was the promise, love never spoke of it there goes the last kiss the very last bit all the words of lie the truth left behind not you not i but we hurt will be...

18/12/2008 5:09:21 PM jason [ 3.01 ] lene ; love me till my heart stops.

i like u the way u are

you once said it.
i am still hurt.
it seems ive fallen back again

i keep seeing you around.
but when i realised its not you,
my heart aches and i wished
we hadnt crossed each other's path
in the first place.
i love you too much to hate you.
last night, i couldnt get to sleep.
the past msn conversation kept playing back
in my mind and i was very devastated.

i asked myself, why must i torture myself now
and think about you when our days are over?
when i texted you last night, all you replied was
a 'yea?'. you know how that feels?
i deleted you off msn for like many times.
but still somehow you keep coming back.
and my heart turn soft all over again, for you.

i tried not to think about you,
can you just let me be?

do you even miss me when im gone?

Jai ho - Pussycat Dolls

2009-04-28T00:25:00.000+08:00

Dreams.

Dreams are a series of images, sounds and feelings occurring in the mind during sleep, accompanied with rapid eye movement. Dreams typically last in the range of 5 to 45 minutes. The contents and biological purposes of dreams are not fully understood, though they have been a topic of speculation and interest throughout recorded history. The scientific study of dreams is known as oneirology.

do you believe in your dreams?
as in the ones where you had in your sleep?
will it ever come true?

i had the most fantastic dream ever.
i dreamt of you. never would i thought i would
had you in my dreams. and it was a very good one too.
does that shows how much i miss you?
i woke up smiling, which is rare.
i kept thinking of it the entire day and
it gave me positive ions thru out my day.
i dreamt we kissed and make up.
in real life, we hadnt spoke to each other
since a long time.

maybe its the fact, that im missing you too much

anyways.

todays work was pyscho. i met the most bimbotic person ever!
she made the classic-est joke ever. it was very very dumb!
she has this pretty face but yet, she left her brain in her
toilet bowl, it made everyone laugh when i told them about it.
now when i think back, is she that stupid or what? LOL.

bby's enlistment date is nearing. hmm in 69 days time?
chatted with bby on msn when i got home from work just now.
bby's not excited about getting enlist. whereas im counting
down on the days that im only gonna see him once a week.
dang..! what i hate about bby is that, he hardly shows emotions.
and i mean hardly. he rarely express it and when he smiles,
it takes my beath away. but seeing him smile is totally rare.
well, i hope to spend more time with bby before he enlist.
i'll write a post about him and only him when ive the time (:
i might even put him a sketch of bby's picture for you guys
to raftly see how cuuuuuuuuuttttteeeeeeeeeee he is. haha!

Chasing pavements - Adele

2009-04-27T00:42:00.000+08:00

morning world, its fifteen minutes to one am.
and im still up, waiting for my hair to dry.
i bought three glitterish nail color
and im so contented. i used up all my allowance
money on nail color, im freaking out.
but thank god, i did get the nail color
else, i wouldnt know that, that store
has a cheaper ralph lauren romance fragrance.
i was very very pleased to hear the price she quoted.
so i told her, to wait for my tenth and im soooo
gonna get that fragrance from her! plus,
eugene is like totally inlove with the fragrance!
just nice, im gonna get that. in time for
our dinner date minus off the bandage on my
soon to be wound. ha! thirteen more days. jitters.

ive been working my arse off every single day.
it kills boredom but its sooooooooo tiring.
almost as thou im working full time.
and lunch time slot is like uber boring.
i hate it when theres nothing for me to do
and im ranting nonsense to anybody who walked past.
but on a better note, i get excited whenever kenny oh
walked past our restaurant to go to the washroom.
those spilt minutes, its life. hahahahaha!

so next week schedule is as hectic as it is two weeks back.
jeez! i cant wait for surgery so i can take a month leave.
im like so prepared. and im still jobless.
(i think you see this sentence in almost every post)
ive been whining to my colleagues about those companies
that doesnt respond to my resume. sickarse shit heads.
i just wanna scream and throw fits on everybody.
you know how depressing it is not to have a proper job?
its like as thou im bumming every single shitty days.
and marvelous, on top of that, my love life sucks.
to think i can even think of my pathetic love life
when i dont have a fucking job.

three words to lene : GET A LIFE!

URRRRGGGH. anyways, im still thinking what
the hell should i do to my hair. snip it or get something
done. i had mary kate olsen hairstyle in mind.
her hairs like awesome. was thinking of concave too.
but darn, i hate the fact that they are actually gonna
snip it. hurhur. it took me quite awhile to have it long
and appreciate the beauty of long flowy hair(!)

this is the first one that caught my eye.
curly, shimmery. i wish i can have that color too.

awesome right?
and im tied between this two.

chopped like on the left,
or straight like on the right.
im not going blond nor brunette.
i hope to be chestnuty or whatever you call that.
but you know, my head will roll the minute
daddy sees my hair color.

keep those suggestions coming on my tagboard.
i really really need ya help!
thank you lovely readers.
im soooooooooooo looking forward for wednesday.
cause its my OFF DAY! (:

hey jude- the Beatles

2009-04-26T16:13:00.003+08:00

finally it rained today!
after many days of humidity, like geez.
the sun was very unforgiving.
scorching mad at noon and super warm at night.

work was alright last night.
wasnt that, judging from the fact
that it was a Saturday night.
met up with dyy and chilli.
like finally after 3253469362 days.
merely had some fag and just chilling
around. then i head off for work.

im getting bored the job im doing now.
no doubt the colleagues are fun but
im sick of doing the same ol' stuff all
over again. its like ...... stale.

bby is sick. sigh. i bet hes been pushing
himself too hard again. i know, the game
is like end of this year and hes been
practising real hard. bby's for you.
he doesnt really know his limit.
i miss bby. ): hope to see him soon.

i realised ive been such a boring blogger.
its nothing interesting anymore.
to think people actually read this shit?
goodness.

i saw the glitterish grey nail color yesterday
while chilli was getting hers. i wanttttttt!
maybe after surgery, i will start painting
my ten fingers cause i will not be fit for work.
yayness! say hello to silveries cute nails!

i really should do something about my hair too.
its like unkept, rapunzel wont be so pleased
to see this. i want to snip it really bad.
like short, really short. but im like half hearted.
very half hearted. or should i just curl it?

-sidetrack-

theres an eye candy in the building im working.
hes a bank teller and hes like smoking hot!
kenny oh! thank god for ocbc sunday banking. LOL.

(random i know but, alvin said something about
working on sunday and it hit me. HAHA!)

and hey Jude by the Beatles is on my itunes right now.
sigh, it reminds me so much of jason. those days
where he sing those to me on the phone cause
it was my phone's ringtone. sigh.
i wonder how is he now. ):
no doubt, im still thinking about him.

lets see, what else....

im still jobless! grrr.
okay, that just pissed me off.
im off.
have a lovely week ahead, readers.
xoxo.

this is the last time - keane

2009-04-25T12:37:00.005+08:00

"called baylene up
she's in the zoo with the kids.
its really funny about the background sound
how the kids were laughing innocently.
how cuteeee.
baylene gona kill me for this.
on another note, prolly you might want to consider
being a teacher. you sound like you're gona eat the kids up
"line up with your parnter.. why are you without a parnter?!?"

quoted that from dyy's blog. haha.
she called me during her lunch and heard me
screaming and dissing my angels.
it was funny how she described it. lol.
but i realised, i do sound funny. haha.
it was pretty tiring with those kids.
it was insane. and the scorching sun. zomg.

imagine this,

sixteen annoying kids plus the scorching sun and smelly zoo.

-_-

but even thou they are such annoying people,
they are still quite adorable.
teacher-ing on top of their lungs,
teacher this, teacher that.
the favourite phrase of yesterday,

"teacher, can help me open my sweet?"

all sixteen of them. tsktsk.
and after that tiring trip,
i had to go work.
so yea, i was a workaholic for a day. zz.

(here for pictures!)

clinic called yesterday while i was dozing off
on my sofa, they informed me that im scheduled to
go for surgery on the 11th may. so yea,
11th may's the date. i hope to get admitted thou. haha.
so keep me in your prayers, readers!

okay, im still waiting for response(S) from my
job resume. its like freaking long can. nb.
somehow, i miss evan. that fucker already got
a job at Tuas. cb. i miss evan's singing.

note to evan : I WANT GO JAMMING LA, PUSSY! hahaha.

bby talked to me last night on msn.
after our argument on the day he left my place
the other day. i miss bby ):
hope to see him soon. (:

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

An jing - Jay chou

2009-04-22T16:19:00.002+08:00

its a whirlwind now.
i dont even know why im thinking.
everyday i live in a faze.

im getting bored of life.
i really am.
save me.

almost lover - a fine frenzy

2009-04-21T12:32:00.003+08:00

its a new beginning.
i hope it will all went well.
and i really pray hard that,
the decision i made wasnt
a mistake.

on top of that note,
i forgo my scheduled surgery.
i chickened out. yea,
lene chickened out.

for the meantime,
enjoy my blog song.
its soothing.

screams : OFF DAY TODAY, WOOT.

take a bow - rihanna

2009-04-19T12:35:00.004+08:00

its like almost impossible to love again.

my lump grew again.and its hurting me
really bad. it sucks to go thru this
all over again. but its different this
time, not having you by my side.

remember those days, where you reminded
me to for the change of dressing everyday.
i was too lazy cause it was so far away.
but you made that effort to get me out of bed.
get my arse off and get my dressing changed.
those were the days that i really felt that
you actually care. under those cold hearted
you, you do care.

then i realised, maybe only when im sick,
you will start to show more concern.
were you really afraid if i didnt make it?
its like, i like the way you treated me when im
sick and i never want to be well again cause
im enjoying the lovely treatment you gave me.

but i cant decieve you further, you went back
to your cold heart moves and all thats left
was those sweet memories that i'll never
ever forget. now im sick again, i wished you
do the things you do all over again.
but i doubt so. you have moved on.
away from me.

owells,

yesterday on my way to work, i start to think.
i need a change in life. something, somehow or whatever.
i just need a change. for the better. something
for some people to go 'wow'.
i have to do it.

but i dont know where to start, ):

littlest thing - lily allen

2009-04-18T13:27:00.004+08:00

im feeling not so me now.
i dont know why.

ive been feeling really weird of late.
keep stuffs to myself, getting really bad mood
swings. just feel like screaming my lungs out
to people i detest in sight. having emotional
breakdown especially at night.

it hurts being in this phase.

i envy people who have loads of friends.
i dont. im a boring tart. ive no fond memories
of my secondary school life either. i think
they suck the most. those hatred still buries
deep in me. where trust is a huge issue
at that point of time, but people still
chose to betray you and shit like that.

but i believe that she might already
moved on. it irks me seeing her, so carefree
as thou she doesnt have that heart. someone
i hate to the max now. its like, youre in the wrong,
you dont feel guilty at all, youre just inhuman.

that aside. im feeling the pain, two years ago.
its coming back, that stupid lump.
sigh and my groaning falls on deaf ear.
if ive the cash right now, i would have go to
the doctors, the thing is now, my mom's ignoring
my pain. sometimes, my family are just arses.

i felt so unwanted. feeling all the pain by myself
where like nobody actually cares. it sucks. and when
youre family doesnt give a shit about it, you wished your
boyfriend could do something. BOYFRIEND?
my arse. see, this is the reason why,
i always wish im attached.

im tired, i just ferel like crying my hearts out.

sway - bic runga

2009-04-16T16:18:00.003+08:00

bby just left my place. (:
eighty one more days to bby's enlistment date. sigh
had small talks about our lives. some nonsensical stuffs too.
i think i hid my emotions pretty well cause i didnt want to show
him that im sad that hes gonna get enlist. i know its just national service
but im like afraid he wont have time for me anymore. ):

but bby kinda make some heartbreaking remarks,
i shant say it here. just feeling a little heatbreaks

i shall elaborate my relationship with bby when
ive the time. im soooooo happy to see him today.
im missing him already. ):

i think i shall update later

vida la vida - coldplay

2009-04-15T01:16:00.003+08:00

34 hours more till i get to see my bby!

i cant wait!
i cant wait!
i cant wait!

((:

still - jennifer lopez

2009-04-14T23:08:00.003+08:00

today, i wished for something big to happen.
just like everyday, it didnt. how disappointing.
my cellphone has officially stop ringing cause no one
would text me except for dear dyy to call me almost
everyday without fail. and after that, it stopped.

how pathetic.

yes, i am a pathetic person, hoping for love
to sweep me off my feet but the more i wanted it,
the more i hoped for it, nothing seems to come out of
the whole thing. it annoys me really bad and it trigger
my beautiful hormones every single day.

im depressed being single.
im sick of it. really.
why couldnt anyone understand it?

its like every post, i complain about my boring
singlehood life and it annoys me really bad.
no juicy news, nothing. i need colors in life.
im bored to my skull.
god, please send me a guy
who wont break my heart.

when youre gone - the cranberries

2009-04-12T01:53:00.001+08:00

Hold on to love,
that is what I do
Now that I've found you
And from above,everything's stinking
When they're not around you
And in the night, I could be helpless
I could be lonely,sleeping without you
And in the day,everything's complex
There's nothing simple,when I'm not around you

But I miss you when you're gone
That is what I do, Hey Baby
And it's going to carry on,
That is what I knew, hey, Baby

Hold on to my hands
I feel I'm sinking, sinking without you
And to my mind, everything's stinking
Stinking without you
And in the night,I could be helpless
I could be lonely,sleeping without you
And in the day,everything's complex
There's nothing simple,when I'm not around you

And I miss you when you're gone
That is what I do, hey, Baby
And it's going to carry on
That is what I do, hey, Baby

2009-04-11T00:14:00.002+08:00

when i looked at this picture, i really wonder whats this little girl is praying for.
just like her, i pray to god almost everyday too. thou im not that religious,
i do talk to god in my way. i felt more closer talking to him when im lying down,
when im alone in my room and it feels safer that way, cause my mom wouldnt
really allow me to do that, she insisted that my prayers will be answered if
i do the five times a day routine. but i believe if im sincere about it, any way
should be okay, im sure god understands me.

that aside, me and eugene sorta made up. not the kiss and made up kind.
still at each other's throat and yea, our dinner date is still on.
going out with him is very nerve wrecking. ive to carefully decide what to wear,
what to say, what to do and stuffs like that. cause im so afraid, it might
jeopardize any chances i have to be with him.

and mostly after the date, i would trained back, with tears in my eyes.
partly because the date is over and regret what i shouldnt have done/say.
thats always the case. sigh. out of five times we went out after we broke up,
three times, he texted me first, thanking me for the date. which to me, is
a huge deal. its like, he texted me first, he must have enjoy the day out with me.

now, im wondering, why must i act/pretend to be someone im not when im with him?
was it because im too cautious over every single thing and trying my very best to please him?
i thought love doesnt work that way. trying to please, pretending and stuff?

now, i really ponder what i feel for him, is it really love?

i cant answer that. i thought loves not supposed to make you cry.
love doesnt constraint you from being yourself? but why am i acting/pretending
all this while? is he really someone ive always wanted and not the one i needed?
as in, hes a dream man, chasing after some illusions to be perfect?
but nothings perfect. dream man, dream guy, dream date.
everything seems to be a faux.

i hate having this little doubts in me. im still searching for the explanation.
but i clearly know, only i, baylene has the answer to it.

2009-04-10T00:04:00.000+08:00

look! look what i found! *jumps around like mad.

arent these pretty lovely? like zooooooomg.

these pretty thangs really cheered me up!

feeling very hopeful that the spree is still onnnnnn!

*fingers crossed.

2009-04-09T00:26:00.002+08:00

dear god,

three years ago when you present my life with eugene,
i thank you for giving me the best present in life.
he was indeed someone special, someone so dear to the heart.
thou he didnt love me at all, i tried hard and made the days
with him the best in my entire life. theres nothing more i could
ever ask for. i was contented with what you gave me even thou
you forgot to attach him with some feelings for me.

those two years were the best, the best one could ever have.
thou he laid a condition that we were to break by year end,
i thought i could do something to make him stay.
i was naive. seriously i was. did you remember that i keep
on praying to you to make him stay and have a change of heart?
were you even listening to me,god? were you?!

no you didnt, then i realised i dont get you at all, god.
what were you trying to show me?you lead me to him,
yet you made him drift away from me. how could you?
what were your plans for me? every night, i asked you
along with the prayers for eugene but you chose to let me on
and it kept me hanging.

how could you do this to me,god? why are you provoking me?
and its almost two years now that i still didnt get any answer
from you. pardon me for hating you for a period of time.
i just dont get it. i questioned myself yet again and again.

im sure there must be a reason for you to lead him to me.
but why am i still unclear of your motive now?

but somehow, i figured out that he is everything i used to want.
like a dream and everybody knows dreams are all illusions.

please god, make the next guy a better one.
p.s im still not okay

2009-04-06T01:32:00.003+08:00

sentosa was awesome.
with a bunch of brother's friends.
it was pouring the minute we got there so hung out,
kicked some balls, played card games and just waiting for
the rain to stop which eventually it did. (:

water was perfect! except for the seaweeds and shits.
not that shits la but like junk in the sea. eeew.
wont say its bad but compared to redang and those
really beautiful beaches in the world, sentosa is like
ranked last in my list. hahaha! but its true.
the feeling of that slimy texture on your feet.
its like zomg.

no hunks today except for this dude at cafe del mar.
practically a walking canvas. almost whole body tattooed.
awesome right? my kind of guy! haha. besides that, nays.
wannabeeeeeeeees and more wannnnnnabeessss. kids that
doesnt have the skinny/tattooed body. sadded. haha.

got bruised while playing rugby in the sand.
torn fleshes and patches found in each one of us.
rough sand against our skins feels like scrapping yourself on sandpaper. tsktsk.
but we being morons, carried on with the game despite the pain
and the results were shown right after we washed up.
poor us. haha.

[took tons of pictures. shall be up soon once i receive it!]

dinnered at vivo. trained back. =.=
am very beat. very shagg.

i saw the sunset over at sentosa just now.
it was very very breathtaking. orange rays swept
over the sky. i wished i had you next to me while
you hugging me. it has always been a dream to see the
sunset with you. sighh.

you texted me out of the blue. taken by surprise,
my food taste awfully good. really. i didnt expect you
to text me and stuffs knowing you're busy with your exams.
yet you took the time out to text me. how sweet.
when we were together, you hardly act like that.
does that mean, my long awaited hope is coming true?

on a second thought, nays. i shouldnt hope too much
when you're in the picture. (:
ya know, its less hurtful this way.

but nevertherless. i still love you dumbdumb!
(its cute that how you made me say it again and again
but you had no reaction to it. =.=)
this year, is our third year together.
not in status kind but ya know, that together kinda together. (:

sprained my wrist. struggling with the pain.
its like fucked up, twisted. shitarse.
hurts like hell and its like blardy useless now.
i hope thursday comes faster, i badly need to see a doctor.

enjoy the rest of the week readers!

2009-04-04T13:04:00.003+08:00

you know, im really sick and tired of falling in and out of love.

period. its like crapp. shit happens.
and why does it have to be like
all the frigging time?

ive always wanted a partner. to share my days with me.
wouldnt it be nice to have someone you really like
to be with you, hanging out, doing stuffs together and everything?
im missing all those. its been a while now, since im in a relationship.
ever since eugene left me, ive been dating. but nothing comes out
of it. its heartbreaks after heartbreaks, netherless i got really sick
and i didnt cherish myself.

i felt weird most times, each time after the heartbreak,im unable
to compose myself again. i'll start fretting about it, having loads of
weird thoughts in my brain and the next minute, i dont even know
what am i doing or who i am.

people always tells me that my right man will eventually come.
someday, not today, not tomorrow but they said someday.
but why someday? does that mean, hes never gonna come?
i still remember leeanne telling me,

dont go around looking for love,
then, love will come for you.

been telling myself that of late. it works in a small part thou.
but, ive been waiting and waiting and waiting but nothing comes out
of it.

i know of people who are single and enjoying it.
no commitments, no string attached fuck partners and just nothing.
i used to enjoy it alot. the freedom, the i-can-date-many-guys-at-a-time period, the multiple dates i can go on. but im sick of all those, seriously.

i want something, i want somebody to love me.
most people will think, im desperate for love.
well, i just let people think whatever they wanna think.
but i got to say that, im not desperate for love.
i yearn for one and its been a long time since i had someone
by my side to cheer me on and stuff like that.

i hate seeing couple on streets or even dining in the restaurant.
i asked myself, whens the last time, i went to a particular restaurant
over and over again with the same guy?

i envy people with good looking partner or just purely in love.
like how they can have dinner and talk about everything,
then making plans of where to go after dinner and stuffs like that.
the last time, i had that was ages ago, and yes, with the same guy.

why cant anyone understand that im sick of being single?
i know being single is a good thing but im really sick of it.

note to self : your time will come lene.
inner self says : yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa right.

2009-04-03T00:10:00.002+08:00

when you opened up to me about your ex girlf.
i dont know how to feel. you should know that ive a thing
for you yet you talk about her as thou shes the world.
i hate it. i fucking hate it.

then what am i?
a fucking replacement?

for some reason, i cant explain how i feel towards you now.
maybe its better to remain single and unwanted.

2009-04-02T00:32:00.002+08:00

so many things in my brain these days.
and im totally wrecked. ive been like losing track
of my days, time and the stuffs that happened yesterday.
perhaps im getting old already. geee, fuck it.

work has been making me really occupied.
so yayness to many moolahs this coming 10th!
apart from the emo shits i faced mostly when the moon
comes out, im doing great. very fine indeed, thank you. (:

and today, my results came out. a little disappointed
cause it wasnt what i expected. i didnt expect to get like
straight A's/perfect four GPA. i was like hoping to get
something like 1.8 or two. but i didnt even hit 1.8.
so i was like a little disappointed. no room for regrets cause
its all over now. nothing can be done. i checked my results
this morning and ive been pondering about a zillion things ever
since then.

went to work as normal. kept myself busy as i wont think about it.
im so not into adulthood just yet. really. its like too fast for me.
so i ponder about what im gonna do next, thinking about life,
and just add in the usual 'what-ifs'. it gives me jitters.

so i texted dyy about the job she got me. telling her my results
wasnt that good and all. so yea. pending. ive yet to make a decision.
thinking about it, ive been on earth for almost twenty one years.
geee. that long? and im starting to feel the impact. gaaaaah!

2009-03-30T04:34:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wished to know how you feel towards me.
but most of the times, i dont wished to know cause
the truth hurts.

the more i prolonged the matter,
the more i think about it,
the clueless i get.

somehow, things are better when you dont really
think of it. but how? how can one be so ignorant
about this kinda thing when all i have to be
is to take it easy?

i've silently prayed for you.
but god chose not to answer me.
i dont blame him for it.
cause maybe he has other plans for me.
without you in it.

is it really hard for us to get together?
like which part did we clash?
if only things were easy for me and the heart.
if only i can see you as a friend.
if only , if only...

i hate the fact that im falling for you.

2009-03-24T22:16:00.003+08:00

okay, im declared black.
im red as a lobster and im swore that
im not gonna do sentosa two days straight!
its insane. fucking insane to be like
going to the beach two freaking days in a row. =.=

on monday with cousin lizzy

and today with girlfs!

it was hectic. weather was faboulous on the day i went out
with cousin lizzy, we were like fucking roasting ourself
over at sentosa and now, im like in pain due to the
sorching sun. all hail lene! grrrr. im like suffering now can.
and i lost my phone for like an hour yesterday.
me is sad. i is panic. scared scared.
cousin lizzy was sucha sweetheart, she waited with me till
the cab driver return me phone. waaaah, i tell you.
this driver damn baik one you know. he honest. he even drove
all the way back to where he dropped us and returned it back to me
i is loving the cab driver, mar ah soh. thats the dude's name.
but seriously, i owe him big time. (:

i love cousin lizzy!
shes black now. lol

and as for today, i went to sentosa again with girlfs!
with betty and callie. the suns not that hot today.
sooooooooooo lovely la the weather. chatted and went into
the water which have many many seaweed. super er xin le.
overall, i had funnnnnnnnnnnnnn. cant wait to meet them again!

im tired, i'll blog again soon!
enjoy the pictures (:

2009-03-22T00:47:00.003+08:00

more in here

went out nicky after like soooooooooo long i didnt see her.
so many rantings, so many gossipings and everything.
it was like sooooooo much fun.
we had loads of food and ice cream.
with her around, i will never get bored talking.
for her age, shes pretty matured about life. which is good.
someone i can totally relate too. nickys sucha sweetheart!
i cant wait to meet her again.
well, she got to rush off to meet her tuition teacher,
so i figured i should dropp by my brothers place to see
my new niece. small alienic human bean. so tinnnnnny. >.<

izyan khairunnisa.

her name so complex can. zzzz.
im missing nicky already ):

2009-03-22T00:06:00.003+08:00

more in here

the night with the boys were pretty much fun.
thou there were tense among the two races or
whatever they call it. i mingled with each
one of them, from boy's friend to another friend.
to people i never talk before in school
became a friend overnight. and this includes
their girlfriends too. so, my circle of hi-bye friends
are like booming already, yay! ~.~

we just hung out and talk cause food were gone
by around midnight. like yea, talked thru out the night
and theres jake entertaining us with this super
stupid antics. smoke the night away. had loads of drinks.
i had raw stuff. omg. its like very very eeew.
but i managed, just a little tipsy.

oh and the good news!

BRENNAN FIXED MY MSN!

ME LOVE LOVE BRENNAN!

OWE YOU BIG BIG TIME.

beach dates with cousin lizzy and girlfs next week.
cant wait. and and and, im meeting nicky later! weeeee~

2009-03-20T13:50:00.005+08:00

its finally the friday.
the friday!

just dropping in to say a quick hello.
and have a faboulous weekend.

as for me,
i'll be away over at ecp.
theres this some boys bbq gathering
cum drink session which i have to be there!
haha! so to those you are reading
and feeling reaaaaaaaallly bored,
drop by ecp and say hello to me! haha

this coming week's gonna be a busy week for me too!
sentosa on monday and tuesday with different sets of
human beans. (yes, im insane, like that).
my sunday with nicole. its been awhile nicky! imysm.

so pictures will be in(hopefully) by tomorrow
evening. so in the mean time, enjoy the weekend
and the lovely weather earthlings!

xoxo.

2009-03-19T12:45:00.002+08:00

slept at four this morning.
still feeling a little tired right now.
woke up in time in order not to miss
my jon and kate plus eight episodes. LOL.

im hooked!

i realised ive not much friends.
even if i do. its only like a couple.
most of the time, i felt as thou im a loner.
cause, most of my friends, or should i say
the friends i hang out with (not talking the occasionally ones)
are attached. the only friend i can rely on is,
my brother. hes my bestfriend, my listener
and everything. but he told me in order to
make my life easier to move on, is to spend time
with my friends. then i realised ,

"what friends? i dont have any"

i do la, but as i said, they have their
cirle of friends. im not the type that has many
zillion friends cause i sucks at remembering names.
people do come and go. people tend to forget people.
i dont blame them cause we are all humans.
thats how humans works i guess.

and theres huge differences between the single
and the attached. the single tends to feel left out
cause the attached will always have their partners
despite any shit. and the sad part, im always the
single. D:

sometimes, maybe most times or should i say,
i think im better off on my own.

to brother :

congrats on getting accepted for laselle.
do us proud. cause mommy and pops lost
their hopes in me.

2009-03-18T20:46:00.003+08:00

you should really listen to this.
like fuck you, fuck you very very much.. (:

ive not been okay, as some of you may know.
a little cranky and being sucha loser these days.
works alright. thats the only thing that managed to
help me to take my mind off things.

been really exhausted. so much going thru my brain.
i dont wish to think of you. neither do i wish to talk to
you ever again. but will i be able to do it?

class gatherings this friday!
zomg, cant wait to see my boys and have fun.
woot.

next week, im gonna be like busy.
busy busy week. cant wait to watch my japanese
boy to perform for his baybeats final audition!
nay, actually, i just wanna see his tiny eyes.
confirm sexy hor! lol.

in the meantime,

im like so hooked up on this reality tellie show.
its jon and kate plus eight.
its about a couple, who had a pair of twins
and two sets of triplets. awesome aye?
their kids are like so freaking adorable.
like so many of them. watching the kids,
seeing kate go insane and jon ever so relax
is sucha a good show. haha,you should
catch it thats if you have cable at home!

if not, heres a little preview :

this episodes about kate bringing her two sets triplets
to the dentist. they are all so adorableeeeeeeeeee.

but i dont want kids.
haha.

thats all i wanna share.
blog in finer detail soon.

xoxo, lene

2009-03-17T15:02:00.002+08:00

i am totally losing it.

i cried the entire night cause i cant fucking let go.
and he is the problem to everything. no, i invited my
own problem just like evan said. no, i cant forget. its
so hard.

i tried. i seriously did. now im losing it,
my angers insane, my minds screwed up and everthing
are just so fucked. i just wanna coop up in my room
not facing anybody and get really bonkers.
what is wrong with me?

i so wish to talk it out, i am pretty upset with everything.
he'd just ruin everything for me. i dont get it why the fuck
did i let him intrude me again when the solution is like
so fucking simple is as to forget or simply ignore.

but i cant ignore him. i cant. i just simply cant.
i dont know why he has loads of impact on me.
ive been really afraid of myself lately.
i dont wish to talk to anyone about it.

i dont want to go back to my original self.
i took very hard effort to stay away from
getting suicide thoughts. im scared.

2009-03-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

hmmmm,

have you like, you know, like someone
and turned yourself into a complete psycho?
like being on your toes all the freaking time
trying to win that particulars heart?

i think i just did..

okay, so you see, im totally into this particular
guy.its been going on for months now. things wasnt so
good after some circumstances and i admit, i did
put in a little too much effort in trying to make him
feel hes god(or whatever). till, last night,
he snapped at me and it kept me thinking(and crying)
of why am i trying so hard to win his heart?

i thought if you would were to love someone,
it all comes in a flow. yea, like a flowchart i learnt
in school. but the fact is now that, im freaking off the
flow chart. i tried harder than im supposed to and
its scary him away and now he thinks im a complete dork.

whatever it is, sometimes, people do get crazy
for love. and i think i am one. my brother said
something insane to me which feels like words
with spikes with it.

i cried the whole bed last night when he said,

"isnt it obvious that we cant get along?"

after he said that, he reminds me so much
of eugene. cause he seems like another eugene.

sigh.

2009-03-15T18:24:00.003+08:00

(Andersen's day out)

did i tell you my new love is andersen's macadamia nut ice cream?
hehx. love love.

2009-03-15T10:16:00.011+08:00

sudden urge to ogle at Hidetoshi Nakata.
im like so obsess about him ar, if i ever see him, im gonna bang him
and have his baby(ies). hahahahahahahahahaha. *drools.

okay la, THAT is like totally random can.

yesterday was my first day back to work.
everything seems normal. yea, very normal.
no crowd (except for like 1930hr-2000hr). that is normal too.
ended quite early yesterday. closing was darn fast. haha.

i still cant forget about you.
i shouldnt have asked you that day.
when that day you thank me for being
concern over you, i was really really happy.
then you got to bring me down again.
nutball. im sucha nutball.
if only you knew......

dyy's coming back today!
im so random. blanked out.
gotta run. works at 1200hr.
laters.

2009-03-14T12:12:00.002+08:00

i woke up due to the buzzing sound of my phone,
some text came in at about ten plus when i was
sleeping. so i look at the screen, still in daze
and this is what it says :

lene, sister in law give birth
to a baby girl this morning at
3.23am.

i was like, what the fuck, 3.23am.
the kid must be too darn excited to
come out and rock the world. haha.
anyways, welcome on board to the
family, baby girl.

ive yet to make a trip down,
to find out how she look like and
get her name. i hope its something nice.
i trust my brother. (:

im like so reluctant to make a trip down.
the suns blaring and work starts at 6 later.
my brother who is being such an arse,
is lazy to accompany me to the hospital.
whats up with him? hes practically dragging
his entire face all around the house la.

Al texted me last night. he said he couldnt sleep.
so i asked him why, he said he cannot forget about
the ex girlfriend. its been almost two years already
that she left him. he is still moaning over it
and now shes already attached to some other guy.
Al told me the last time i saw him. i really
dont know how to make him move on. it hurts
seeing him like that. as a friend, i want to
like you know, try my best to coax them or whatever la.

so, im meeting him next week for dinner.
he said he will be available. so yea,
im gonna give Al a very big hug and make
sure hes alright. (:

just last week, before my papers, i was
on the way home in the bus. watching the
news on tv mobile and one news made me sit
upright.

somewhere around the world, they start
believing in trolls, elfs and pixies.

they claimed some kid in the state actually
saw them moving around, dancing and stuff.
it gives me the jitters but since young
im like totally into elfs cause i keep seeing
them on tellie and i remember i told mommy
that i want one.

but can you like imagine, that one fine day
you are walking down the street eating
some nice creamy doughnut and when suddenly
some tug your pants. when you look down,
you saw the tiniest stuff you ever seen.

would you freak out or would you
give them some of your doughnut?

didnt manage to find a picture
of a real elf thou. all look so
photoshop =.=

i'll be back for more, alright.
i think im really gonna make
a trip down to the hospital.

2009-03-13T00:15:00.000+08:00

more on ClassicHazardin the 13th March album

out and about with the brother today.
the feeling of need to spend the lovely day outside.
even thou it was drizzling when i left my place,
the weather got a little heaty when i reached bugis.
had lunch and dinner outside. (yea, ive start to eat again).
so carefree and nothing to worry about.
unlike sitting at home, facing four violet walls,
drives me insane. the thoughts, morbid useless ones,
will keep invading my mind and i will go into emo
state and its bleahx.

eddie left for brunei today. away from a year,
nothing from him. i didnt text him thou.
cause i know i wont be getting any reply from him.
so fuck it.

to eddie: enjoy your brunei days then!

have you ever had something like, you know whats the
outcome of the whole thing but you,being the stubborn one
still even bother to try?

i do. i knew hes gonna reject me flat in the face
but somehow, i still go ahead and asked. now im in
shitty state and ive no one to blame except for myself.
you know, its like tryin out your luck but somehow
you know that youre gonna lose it. but still,
something, just that tiny something thought
that it could be this teeny weeny chance breathing.

i was wrong..

and now, im all shitty and i wished i hadnt do it.
too late, i think im gonna mold for the next one week.
eugene dropped by for a while just now.
to say hello. but i left cause hes showing me tantrum.

look eugene,
i want to worth something to you.
so stop treating me like dirt.
you dont want me, you chucked me one side.
when you need me, youre all over me.
please. make me feel that im something to you.

im resuming work later.
not happy nor sad.
just lost. suddenly i find
my life is so normal.
i wish something big will happen
in times to come.

dyy's coming back! i miss her so blardy much.
(:

p.s i finally settled down with multiply for my
photo journal. flickrs too hard on me. photobucket is
being an arse. and livejournal is a waste now.
so enjou my photojournal and links would be on
your left hand side or most times, i'll link it
with my post.

have a lovely weekend readers!

2009-03-12T13:48:00.003+08:00

living in self denial.
i keep telling myself i will get over it.
somehow, those were all lies.

sometimes, i wished im mute,
so that i cant say out your name.
i wished, im dumb or prolly retard,
so that i wont know how to love.

when i used to love you,
it was all sweet, but after you left
it hurts as thou the love could
not be recongised.

how naive i can get. falling for
nothing but just words. im in an emotional
distraught but have you ever care?

everyday, i moved a teeny bit.
satisfied with my willingness to move,
eventually i know, it will come to an end
cause you are capable of bringing me down.

i can never get you out of my head,
nor my heart nor my sight.
i hate myself for falling for you,
i hate myself for loving you(*pun songtitle intended)

2009-03-11T22:27:00.002+08:00

guess what?

todays paper is sucha sweetheart!
whoever is the setter for Web Tech paper
must have love me alot. or maybe, i should
credit myself a little.

i did put in effort to read thru my notes
till like wee morning. didnt get enough sleep
again. drowsy journey to school and and and,
the journey to school today was pretty fast!

reached, saw no familiar faces. settled down at
some random bench and start flipping thru my
notes for the last time. saw sharudin came
out of the car with his limping leg, he joined me.
poor boy, chatted about random stuffs and times up.
so guided him to the exam hall and that was it.

mushroom dont look like a mushroom now, he was a
seat away from me with that haircut. haha.
funny arse, karate boy was like two seats away.
kai was somewhere in the hall. the four of us,
reunion. taking papers in the same hall, each
at different class and course. missed those
times we had our squabbles and laughs.

they still hold a place in my heart, my boys.

so i completed my paper with great satisfaction.
the weight lifted off my shoulder, the unintense feeling.
its all long gone the moment i step out of that
freezing hall. chatted with some friends outside and
waited for meibe to end her paper. took a last look
of school feeling all nostalgic, the love-hate
feeling of that school, the weird surrounding and
the memories that are scattered in my brain as i
took the last few steps out.

thou meibe was walking next to me, i didnt exactly
tell her how i feel. afraid she will think im a wussy
to be feeling such for the school. aaaaah, wells,
i made friends and few enemies(i think), it
was, i got to say, bitter sweet. enough say'

went to have lunch with meibe in the central.
fucking spicy beef noodles. apparently i accidentally
pour too much chilli powder/flakes or whatever they
call it. get her groceries done and head home.

in the train, somewhere after a few stops from the
station i board, came in a dad and his daughter.
from the back, as he was carrying his daughter,
the girl look normal. but when he puts her down,
i realised the kid was a special child.

special child = down syndrome.

as i looked at her, over my ipod, she
seems carefree and in her own world.
unlike other kids, who would run around like monkeys,
she sat there, looking at her surrounding with
like much question marks in her expression.
thou appearance wise, it makes it obvious shes
not normal but to me, she seems like a normal
child. special in the sense that, i dont
know how to explain it but i had the urge to go
over to her and give her a hug and tell her
she will grow up to be someone good.
(apparently, i didnt give her a hug, it
would be too weird to be hugging strangers,
claimed singaporeans).

reached home, showered, changed and came online.
still, my msn messengers screwed up!
jason told me he passed his traffic police test.
congrats. and i think he just turned me down
for dinner which makes me an awful bitch now.

emo, emo. fuck jason. gaaaaaaah. ):

to a classmate,

sorry for the loss of your loved one.
hope youre alright, see you at the
class bbq (:

upcoming weeks gonna be hectic.

• class bbq on the 20th & 21st march.
• sentosa with brother and friends on 21st march
• meet up with chilli and dyy
• resume back to work asap.

i know it look as thou its not hectic.
but look at my 20th and 21st! bbq would be a
stay out event and the next morning, i will be
rushing to sentosa to meet the boys for beach session.

schools out, sleep here i come!
kudos to me for complete-ing the darn two years.
i made it =D

2009-03-10T12:46:00.005+08:00

yes, ive decided to delete todays earlier post
and amend every single word cause im very very pissed.

whats with today's monday?
why does EVERYONE seems to provoke me?
what the fuck have i done.

my morning was already bad enough,
followed by what i saw when i get online.
i slept on it and woke up with major headache.
went online, stumbled upon something worst.
great. i can just go kill myself.

it was more of a fucked up monday then
a monday blues. didnt catch enough sleep
last night, stayed up to mugg and morning
have to be such an arse, it was very chilly.
as thou it was snowing. i did fall asleep for
a while on my study's and my alarm goes off,
woke up, walked to the bathroom and my
feet was like zomg. the tiles were almost
icy.showered, dozed off at the couch after
i got dressed, then heard mom calling out my name
saying im gonna be late.

i swear to god, todays
journey to school is super draggy. unlike other days
(which were draggy too, but just mild). almost late
for my paper, the darn bus.(see even the public's
not on my side). boost up some confidence level
before entering the examination hall. settled down
and guess what?

NONE OF THE STUFFS I STUDIED CAME OUT.
jaw dropped, mind whirlwind, wanting to break down
and my brain totally shut off. it was horrible.
very terribly horrible. it was scary.
the words seems to like jumble up and
it was everywhere in the papers.
and five minutes later, they announced that
we could start the paper.

START MY ARSE LA, NONE I STUDIED CAME OUT.

i panicked when the candidate next to me
start scribbling vigorously. i wrote my name
and dozed off. yea, i was too tired to function.
woke up fifteen minutes later and start
scribbling nonsense as my answers. well,
im always reminded that, even if i dont know
the answers, atleast write something.
which i did and i feel crapp, still.

like an hour later, i raised up my hand,
i told the invigilator to hand in my paper for me
i was like,

"this is it, the more i look at this damn thing,
the more pissed im gonna get, and nothing is gonna
come out of it, so screw it"

left the hall, called meibe and lunched before
we heed home. journey back was worst. but i quicken
my pace cause i cant wait to get home to get some
sleep. deprived. but when i reached home,
i got the urge to go online. cause yesterday
almost the entire day i was mugging and
i didnt have time to log on.

logged into msn, browse to see whos online
and i saw something i really dont like.
this,

J.son - i dreamt of QING!!!! i just cant get you out of my head

one of the nicks under my contacts.
my heart shattered. really shattered.
i controlled my tears cause my brother was in
the room, reading some stuffs.

when my brother left, i broke down.
i just dont get it why he can treat me
as thou im just a piece of __________.
weeks ago, i deleted you off my list.
cause i wanted to move on.
(to those who thinks that im not tryin, _|_)
then this morning, i logged on msn for a while
around one plus, i was almost breaking down
and i change my subnick to 'someone please cheer me up'.
you private message me, giving me a hug and telling
me you can cheer me up.

i dont get it, why?
why do you have to do this?
youre just letting me hang by the thread.

so i cried, slept on it, woke up
with this horrible headache. head for
cold shower, had dinner and came online
to organise my iPod. and the best part,
i clicked on the new msn thingy
and now, my msn is screwed! i need help.

anyone?

so came online, looking thru my folders
for my songs when i stumbled upon this picture.
it has a link and it leads to something.
so i went to check it out.
and guess what. its a xanga of someone i know.
no name, just some id which doesnt help
and i read. then i realised it was H.

so i got curious. i wonder if he blogs abt
the day we went out. so i read and read
and i saw the post. so he did blogged abt it,
i thought. as i continue reading,
those words he blogged abt isnt something nice.
and its about me and our 'date'. from the way
i turned out something not what he expected,
to the horrible date and to me pouring
out my problems and almost calling me
a psycho.he made me sound as thou
the whole date was just a fucked up meet up.

i thought he was different. well he is.
cause hes the first malay guy i ever dated.
the FIRST. he just prove me right that
all malay guys are arse. seriously.
he faked it so well and so much for saying
he dont like plastic people. riiiiiiight.
im not cranked up cause he blogged bad stuffs
about me, i respect his space, his blog, his say.
what im disappointed is that, why didnt he tell me
all those? its not that IM GONNA FALL FOR HIM.
no way, hes a blardy malay dude.

even if the date was horrible, by end of the
date, just tell me what went wrong blah blah
atleast i know, its my fucking first time going out
with a fucking malay guy and i need to know where
ive gone wrong.

im really upset with him, i didnt expect him
to be this way, i admit hes a lil upper class
than those typical mats. but now,
i think a lil upper class or not, malay dudes
are all screwed up morons.

lene's haters :
you can say anything about me.
from me dating non halal stuff as what you claimed,
saying that my cunt smells like drain cause
you said i fcuked chinese boys (like how
did YOU know, i screwed chinese boys? i dont
remember telling you abt it, so stop assuming) and
saying ive a rotten mouth and a corroding tongue
cause i made out with chinese boys.
youre sucha boohoo.

i just dont feel good today.
judging from the fucked up day i had.
one after another. and major/last paper tomorrow.
im seriously very stress. my anxiety levels up.
and i can see myself drowning in depression again.

save me someone?

2009-03-09T23:28:00.003+08:00

this year marks the third year you left. i know ive written
a post about you numerous times before. and still, after
three years, the hearts still with you.

2009-03-08T11:28:00.002+08:00

i woke up to a lovely sunday.
the sun lovelys, the weathers great and
it seems like i woke up on the right side of my bed (:

towned yesterday, nothing much.
just updating of the wardrobe.
i even brought my notes out to read thru.
my papers due on the 10th. (IM SO DEAD!)
practically just shopped and homed after that.

had the worst food ever. this halal chinese joint.
zomg, blardy awful can. -______-

dyy's leaving today! ):
for week, yes for weeeeeeeeeeeeeek.
i'll be like so lonely nobody to accompany me
so ive swee-swee do up my plan for the
entire week.

i shall go swimming!
yea i know, weathers not so good.
but i hope god gives me mercy!
seeing that im lonely, i need to do
something to cheer myself up.

anyways, babe, enjoy your trip!
come home soon, you are sooooooo bbq-ing with me.
((:

so like i said, my papers due on the 10th and 11th.
thats like tuesday and wednesday.
so i'll be free on thursday, friday, saturday and sunday.
i'll be going for a swim on thursday and friday,
prolly work(?) over the weekends.
suddenly i dont feel like going back to work yet.
i need time to get back in the mood(excuses!) and time
to get the exam mode out of my body. hahahaha.

and a week later after this coming week,
my classmates are having a barbeque, just some
class gathering. and i heard that im the only
girl on the list. its not that im scared or whatever
(why should i, they are the loveliest bunch of buddies, anyone
could ever ask for!). its just that somehow, i wished
i have a girlf in class. bleahx. snotty tarts.
so there will be loads of booze, food and insane conversations.
i cant wait!! so i have exactly a week to come up
with the stupidest excuse to convince my mom
to let me stay out. (bummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmer!)

on a bad note(i guess),
youre leaving for brunei pretty soon.
its like 5 more days. still nothing from you.
you'll be leaving for a year and they say
goodbyes are always hard. but i take it
that you wont say anything before you leave.
youre like pratically ignoring me. so its okay.
i wish you all the best yea. (:

enjoy your sunday my lovely readers!
tomorrow is a brand new week. (:

2009-03-07T12:24:00.005+08:00

i dont know why i chose to look at it.
cause i know it will cost me nothing but a deeper hurt.
you may think i dont know anything about it.
thou the things i do is low lying,
its just something i got to know about you.

its just so hard to forget about you
after the impact you left on me.
till now, it seems impossible.
and why is it like,
im the one whos after you now?

i thought we used to be close.
almost there.
im sorry that i fell for a superficial liar like you.

and i chose to see it in the morning.
you have just ruined my saturday.
on a silly note,

its exactly 8 more months to my 21st!.

2009-03-06T21:10:00.003+08:00

OMG, CAN YOU SEE THAT,
ITS LEEANNE! ^_^

i miss you darling! alot alot.
i thought youre gone missing in action.
ive been busy these past week cause
my final papers are next week!
hows you darling?

meet me! meet me! i want huggggggssssssssssssssss.

2009-03-06T14:28:00.004+08:00

there seems to be many things i wanna talk about.
its a lovely friday with the sun blaring outside
my window. but its so unpredictable. the weathers
kinda shitty these days. i think it will be a downpour
again later, late noon. darn. umbrella makes me so unglam.

i just finish watching the hills. i love watching
reality shows like that, dealing with friendships,
getting ditched on national television and just
almost about everything. real people, real world.
and the episode i just watched just now, was about
friendship.

it envies me somehow, looking around seeing people
with their bestfriend, hanging out, talking about
clothes, boys and just planning stuffs to do together.
its been a while since i last had that feeling.

lets travel back into the archive. heh.

i used to have this bestfriend in highschool.
we were very very close, we do things together,
gossip, talk about boys and you know, she made me
feel as thou she is a bestfriend, a listening ear and
a sister. the feeling was fantastic. to have someone to hear
you cry over some guy. to have someone giving you advices.
to have someone who supports you and never make you feel
alone. but rather somehow, she kinda of betrayed me.
and everything turns sour.

i questioned myself every now and then. at this age.
all i want is a bestfriend. besides my constant pleas
to god that i want a boyfriend lah. but it would
be a plus if i can ever have a boyfriend plus a bestfriend
all in one. (:

anyways back to the topic. after everything turned sour,
we still meet up for high school gatherings but things
didnt get any better. the hurt feeling in me was too
overwhelming and i bear this insane grudge against her.
i can never let go that feeling.the things she did to me
back in high school can never be forgiven even if the person
is like fucking saint. sigh.

i do forgive her, but i cant simply forget it. i shall
not reveal what she had done but, its just something
not nice. something not very nice.

i do admit, i missed our friendship, i tried, we both
tried making amends to those ugly patches but maybe its
just me thats not willing to completely let go the bad past.
or maybe its her, thats not putting enough effort into it.
well, to be fair, i think, we are both at fault.

its hard to trust someone after that. but i hate the feeling
not to be able to trust someone. its in me that i can never
get the answer to it. i long for a bestfriend. i seriously do.

but now, i got a close friend. we met while i started working
at the place im still working now. thou she left, we still
keep in touch, made a point to meet up for dinner or just
purely hanging out. its so weird of how my first impression
on her was.

being a year older than me, she was someone very discreet.
or maybe its because i was new back then and you know,
theres this first time awkwardness going on. blah blah.
but as days goes by, we get closer and bonded each time.
she was there when i was drunk. im a nasty bitch when
it comes to that.

she sees me fall in and out of love all the blardy time.
and never got tired of lending me her shoulders for me
to cry on. never fails to motivate me for school and
things like that. we hang out thou not on daily basis
but she does call/text me when shes having lunch and stuff.
thats what i call friends. making me feel as thou i worth
something.

she gave me the most awesome 2oth. saw me wasted,
we can just talk almost about everything. and the funny part
is that, knowing her for two years make me feel as thou
ive been friends with her for like forever.
its a good feeling thou.

she knows me inside out. from me having allergies when i had
pork to me hating my own race very much. everything, i believe.
i feel blessed that ive her as someone close.
i dont need many friends to deal in life as long as
i have that particular one who knows me so darn well.
i cant never thank her enough for having her in my life.

cindy tay shu ru, thanks for being my friend.
thank you for being there for me all the time.
thank you for seeing me fall in and out of love
and thank you for the beautiful friendship you gave me.
you are like the best present god can give me in my life. (:

dont know le.1231hr

2009-03-05T12:20:00.003+08:00

its been awhile, nothing much from me
cause theres serious mugging going on.
but still, im not prepared for the papers.

i dont know why, but the weather has been dampering(?)
my mood. its like, theres this one night, it was
pretty chilly and raining, i suddenly feel so alone,
lonely like as thou i yearn for something.
then i got so emo-ed and i keep thinking of rubbish.
ive been repeating the

"no matter how much you try to fill your time with work,
friends, family or yourself.. i guess there will always be this
empty feeling that you cant battle."

phrase to myself of late. i cant battle the empty feeling.
suddenly the thought of you keep invading my mind.
i dont get it, what have i not done enough?
i keep seeing your msn nick and cringed like mad
cause why cant the 'her' be me? (i sound psycho here)
she doesnt appreciate you, its like one blardy cryle.

me -------> you -------> her.

see the damn thing. i dont know, why am i wasting
my time getting all upset about you when
i can spend that time making myself happy?
im shooooooooooo patheticxxz lurhsxx.

im financially indebt now. all thanks to my brother.
he got to ruin the entire finance list and im here
all broke and im gonna rely on him till july -_-
cant wait for the class barbeque, actually, still
okay la the feeling.not as thou, im jumping up and
down for that barbeque. futhermore, im like
zomgly broke. chheeeeebyee la. then, my brother's friends
all wanted me to be there at sentosa the next day after
my barbeque cause they having a beach session.
i suddenly feel very very wanted :D, thanks guys. haha

its so weird that ive not much friends and im hanging
out with my brother's bunch who are like three years
my junior(well for some), i feel old hanging out with
them but they are the very happening bunch. all boys aye.
somehow, we are able to click thou some are just plain
shy to say whatever they like in my face. LOL.

cant wait to finish my papers.
i wanna date Al for dinner! you mudd, i cant wait.can you?
i cant wait to go back to work, to earn many moolahssss.
happy thursday everyone.
one more day to the weekend! (:

2009-03-03T23:01:00.002+08:00

i never felt this lonely before.
i cant stand the loneliness of this.
i hate it so much.
i just wanna cry.

hello.2008hr

2009-03-03T20:00:00.002+08:00

hello world.
been doing alot of useful stuffs at home lately.
instead of the usual bumming around like a fucking couch potatoe,
i got my arse(and my brains) moving to mugg!
i covered some chapters and needed more brain cells to keep going.
anybody kind enough to lend me braincells for more storage? heh.

suddenly i miss school. yea, ironically i woke up early
every single day but i forgot(yea,every morning) that its the
study week. i hope i will make it,cause ive been trying really
hard to pass both modules. im excited for my papers and yea, lovely
readers, please pray that i'll pass yea? ((:

i texted Al just now, its been awhile.
miss him and i asked him out for dinner when im done with
my papers. aaaaaaaah, Al, the mudd. the cute mudd.
so its fixed. cant wait for papers to be over and
dinner with Al! <3

theres so much for me to say.
but somehow, i dont think its appropriate to blog about it.
you see, i made a point not to blog about sad love story
or lonely/sad stuffs. sigh. so hard.
tryin to hard to be happy.

btw, should i move to livejournal instead?

dancing thoughts : 1533

2009-03-02T15:36:00.005+08:00

no matter how much you try to fill your time with work,
friends, family or yourself.. i guess there will always be this
empty feeling that you cant battle.

i got that when i was blog hopping.
(i know!,im supposed to be studying!)
love. something i never felt after eugene left me.
filling my time with family, work and friends
arent enough, by the end of the day,
i wished i have someone of the opposite
sex to tell me everythings alright.
that little feeling.
its scary yet _______.

what is it like to be like by someone?

charlieeeeeeee.0000hr

2009-03-01T14:23:00.000+08:00

spent the entire sunday with charlie. (:
clean up, messed up, drink up. LOL.
hot hot charlie!

just a hello : 1639hr

2009-02-27T16:23:00.006+08:00

so yea, FINALLY my final project for the MS module
is submitted. never felt so relieved before.
the great satisfaction.

so all fyps done, im only left with major paper
which im gonna mugg real hard for it. cant wait!!
cant wait to start mugging and cant wait to end
those two papers!

i thought of rewarding myself by repiercing my
smiley :D, i kinda miss my monroe. T_T
suddenly i hate Jason. hahaha.
or should i get a new piercing instead?
how about septum a.k.a the bullnose piercing?!
*sequels in excitement.

but nay, i shouldnt get any visible piercing.
im joining workforce pretty soon. unless,
im accepted in poly.

enrolling myself in poly has been dancing in my thoughts.
should i go for it, or should i just work and you know
gain every experience that comes by and study private?
but owells, i should just try to enrol myself into
local tertiary. its not as thou im confident of getting in.
judging from my work and my attendance in ite. im afraid i wont
get in. but well, i should atleast try, right? haha

the least i could go is................ republic!

stereotyped the worst poly in sg, but if they
were to accept me, its good enough. since i cant
get in those good school like singapore poly,
i should just settle for something, my level.

*fingers crossed. hope results good and
get my arse in RP.

% alittle corner for Dyy.
congrats babe you passed your TP. im so happy for you.
this calls for a celebration! right? finally! after so
much of you grumbling about TP and how nervous you were,
it finally pays off!! haha.
LENE CALLS FOR SUPPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! haha.
once again, congrats babe! (:
drive me soooon!! cant wait. haha.

i hate friday nights. ):
im always staying in. nothing to do.
no wait, this time, i HAVE something to do.
MUGG! till then readers, wish me luck for my exams (:

one more thing :
Happy birthday 21st yaowei. you have been sucha bro.
keep up the black belt and dont have more metals in you.
cheers to the two years friendship and all the best!
(thou i know you dont read this, you arse.)

positive mindset, smelling freedom : 1935hr

2009-02-26T19:17:00.003+08:00

two projects for two modules down, am left with one
which im soooo gonna hand in tomorrow morning and i can
smell part of freedom and the air of school is much much cleaner.

i love the feeling of graduating. i dont have to go back
with the horrible one hour journey back and fro anymore! yayness.
im so much happier now, judging the fact that i am officially
gonna stop studying, i guess. well, my ite days are OVER!
four years and now i can finally see the whole new light to life.
but its a pity i didnt really enroll myself to any poly course,
im like beyond hope, looking at the grades and my attendance.
im a little upset but thats not the end of everything.
i can always go private, study something i really like(hopefully!).

so the mood in schools rather sombre. intense i should say.
people mugging their arse off. i can feel the chilliness of the
exams as days goes by. ive start mugging. im lacking of sleep and rest.
cranky as hell but owells, i hope the cranky + lack of sleep
will equals to something good.

todays insane! we had two common test, the usual before we really
sit for the finals to accumulate some percentage of it for the total.
its was fucktard, i tell you. two major modules into one puny brains.
my brain bled this morning. i felt as thou i didnt sleep at all
when i did for a few hours. woke up feeling grouchy, blasted myself
with hardcore genres in train and trying to swallow every single word
in my notes. well, the hardcore genre DID keep me awake. blasting
my poor little ear drums.

i wont say i did really well for web tech module. it was alright.
still much improvents and more wrecking of brains for the finals.
im nervous. and for micro system module, it was hilarious.
everything seems so alientic to me but hey, i cheated. ):
yea, it wasnt an honest paper. i got to buck up. but if i didnt
cheat on my MS paper, im doomed. so yea, its a good sin.

theres so many people i wanna thank from school.
they helped me alot thru out these weeks, pushing me to
a better side. helping me obtaining a pass. i did help
myself and im so proud of it.

winson, my project mate, FYP.
dude, i know you may not read this.
but i really thank you for covering my shits for me
infront of our fyp lecturer. i know its not easy and ive
been missing fyp periods due to my laziness and selfishness.
yet, you helped and pulled me thru. without complaining
or holding any grudge. thank you winson,really.

dave, my WT fyp mate.
thru constants bugging and annoying whines, im so glad
that you are so willing to help me complete my work.
thou my work is just some simple arse stuffs, im proud to have
you guiding me and everything. i know it has been hard on you,
juggling my work, yours and your other stuffs.
the only friend, i can turn to in times like this.
dave, youre sucha gem!

josephine, year 1 classmate.
thanks for passing me the MS report and saved me from
the datelines. i thank you over text messages and yet
you gave me such warm replies. thanks jo!

meibe, year 1 classmate, lunch partner
sis! thanks for the lunches we had in school together.
you knowing i dont have any friends from class.
having you had made my lunch period lone-less!
thanks for the motivations and i hope you do well too!

dyy, my motivator, my friend and a dear one.
babe, thanks for being all in one.
motivator, a listener, a friend and a dear one.
you never fail to remind me of how important education is.
and youre the one who knows theres limit to everything.
you taught me how to piorites my stuffs and im glad
you guided me with your wise words and all.
i love our friendship and im thankful to have you as a friend.
you see me fall, see me pick myself up and yet fall again
but yet, you still give me words of encouragement and everything.
it must be hard on you huh? but babe, youre the best! <3
you can always fall on me and you know that. (:

did i miss anyone out? i think this post is
already like 85% cheesiness infused. haha.
i'll leave my entire 'thank-yous' and daily
stories to another post.

for the meantime,
have a chilly thursday readers.
and please! weather hasnt been good.
take good care of yourself! xoxo.

a year squeeze into a week, kudos lene : 0300hr

2009-02-26T02:49:00.003+08:00

im taking a teeny weeny break from study.
my brains bleeding for real.
i hate the feeling, gaaaaah.
its rare to see lene in a study mode,
but yea, here i am, out from study mode for awhile.
my arse hurts, my finger has blister and my throats dry.

i think im gonna be sick soon

my brains bursting and im dyin, oh great.
but anyways, my main projects done. all in one disk
and im gonna hand it later! the feeling of satisfaction.
like zomg. *pig wheels! pig wheels!

and one down, one more to go. my second project.
almost done, need to get it in a hard copy and hand it
and im almost off schoooooooooooooooooooooool. happy siolx.
the joys bursting in my nerves!

met dyy just now .
had jap and her pictures done. we are pratically insane today.
both of us seems to have lots loads of patience.
meeting her again on sunday, to mugg! hahahaha.
and oh, she got me this cute love pegs, im loving.
when ive the chance, i'll take the pictures and post it on LenesLove.

i better get back to my books.
or i'll start crying and cringing.

p.s readers, enjoy the playlist i put up.
dont know why, but i just feel like sharing. heh.
for this entry, im lost of what song matches 3am. -_-

i call for a restart! 0951hr

2009-02-25T09:50:00.006+08:00

okay, again, i decided to delete all my entries.
i call for a restart!
im trying my best to avoid writting about being out of love
all the fucking time cause it makes my readers go
round and round and poor them. so yea,
im sticking to happy stuffs, more to life kinda thing.

*small notes to people!

eddie, leaving on the 13th march.
good that youre leaving, cause it would make
MY life easier to forget you and i wish
you all the best and yea, please dont
come looking for me when ya back,
i would appreciate that. i've decided to put
you and the times we had together behind. its all passe.
so its over baby! shoo~

jason ong, my favourite boy of 08.
youre gonna ord soon, so yea, you might need dyy's
help to get a job. so, thats the only thing left and that is
me and (hopefully) dyy's help.you can mambo and hook up
as many mambo girls you want. but please, can you not
tell me about each one of them? im tired of it.
and good luck for your tp! (: just dont crash.

dyy, tp's coming! i cant wait. im as excited as
thou im the one gonna take it. haha. but im so excited for
you! ive been a good girl, praying and talking to Allah for
you. heh. so please. and youre trips coming. youre gonna
leave me in sg for A WEEK! i hope you will have fun there
and please, dont extend. one week, very miserable with
no one to hang out with. (:

school has been great. everybody seems to be in the
exam mode since exams just around the corner. im getting
prepared too. im scared. i might not do well. :(
but, IVE HAND IN MY IMPORTANT ASSIGNMENT! woohoo.
one down, one more to go. cant wait to get out of
that school, FAST! its making ME miserable. i hate it
like fucking much, thank you. a few weeks more to freedom!

but anyways, im gonna have study week after this.
im mugging alone, judging from the fact that dyy'd leaving.
*cringe. owells, maybe mugging alone could be better.
so if anyone out there, who needs a silent company,
give me a ring okay? or nice enough to admire me
study? hahaha.

i feel so much better now, for now, i guess
and when the night falls, its all a different lene.